Spammer offers to upgrade my non-existent iPhone, acquires a mean customer

All my close friends who have been in contact with me recently will know about the frustration in me over my dyslexic Nokia 6600, and my constant desire to acquire the Jesus-phone, better known to the world as the iPhone. Now, India does not have a large community of iPhone users, or in fact, people who are even scarcely interested in it (I have seen only one iPhone till now - on my recent trip to Rajasthan). Hence, to kick-start things, I started a community on orkut - iPhone India. That however, got a particular spammer a new target - for he claims to unlock PSPs and iPhones. So he made a simple offer to me on my orkut scrapbook:

hey astatine19
I see you own an iphone. Dude if you want to upgrade your phone to the latest 1.1.4 then let me know. the new things in the update are;
1) more sleek and classy look,
2) better battrey life,
3) increased call volume
4) increased speaker volume
5) tons of free applications/GAMES and better support'
. AND ITS TOTALLY SAFE !

all your contacts and evythin will get backed up just like before. so lemme knw if you want to.
im based in bombay.
CALL ME ON 9833849929. Charges-- DAMN CHEAPP !!!
regards
Reza

Now, generally, I treat such scraps with the only hospitality they truly deserve - the delete button. But this was different. He knew my name, so it wasn't a spam-bot; he had personally sent out the message! Such hard work must be rewarded. So I sent out to him a hard-earned well-deserved reply:

heh, dude, im not dumb enuf to buy a grey market iphone - im waiting for the launch of the original iphone in india. with that i will get

1] A sleeker look than u can ever give
2] How the hell will you increase the battery life? ripping it apart and putting in a nokia battery?
3] Increased volume? U wanna blast my ears or wat?
4] Increased speaker volume?? Then for wat do i use my 280 W 5.1 surround sound speakers? Ringtones/??
5] Better support? U mean u'll replace the mac OS with some crappy linux shit??
TOTALLY SAFE?? U mean it has the potential to screw things up??
All contact and stuff backed up... Temme, if u're changing everything, how cum the old contact will be compatible with the new ones??
BTW, it's Mumbai. Get your geography right.
Thanks for the no. I was looking for some numbers to sell to spammers.
Charges - well.. lets see, ya, damn cheap to ruin an iphone. Might as well throw it out the window
Oh yeah, i forgot the 3g and GPS. No possibility u can put that in na??? Maybe apple's gonna do it soon.. Maybe on 9th June. Dont read the news, do ya???
Dude, I woulnt buy an iphone if i wanted to make it a crap-o-machine full of junk. If I wanted that, I'd buy some stupid nokia nseries.

Hey wait a min.. I don't HAVE an iPhone, then why am i writing this.. whoops sorry.

And congrats, your post is soo good, I might just put it up in my blog for everyone to see!! Free publicity for you. Great na??

My regards dude!! Peace out. Bokay?
astatine19

The guy must be really excited to start a positive business relationship.

P.S.: Now, I know this post will offend some Nokia N-series users or Linux users or maybe somebody else. To them, my message is: Sorry dude, can't help it. These are my opinions I'm voicing (or rather, typing) here. If you don't like 'em, don't read 'em. Awwright??